Title also lacks "...And arrow in the knee jokes makes me want to urinate in someone's eyeball".

There's something a bit sad about skyrim. I got it because of the thousands of claims that said it was pure sex in game form, the best thing ever to be conceived and capable of reviving the dead and turning shit into gold, but as i find myself playing it less and less i begin to ponder if such claims were truly correct.

Now, before i get posts bigger than any journal i'll ever write detailing how much of a twat i am for not liking it (like i humorously did in my negative review of rayman origins a couple of weeks back, and because there ARE people in this world willing to take a bullet for a massive corporation that doesn't even care about them like Bethesda), i DID like skyrim. In this day and age, where i buy games on steam only to play them half an hour and then scrap them to never ever download them again (seriously, see my game list on steam and you'll notice i haven't even played enough time in most of my 200+ games for the time-played display thing to show up) it was most refreshing to finally play something that made me want to keep playing the next day.

People who played skyrim more than six hours a day (besides being blatantly sad) probably do not count for the next sentence because they're most likely the type of people that will defend the game with tears in their eyes claiming there's fun everywhere even though inside they know more than anyone else that it's not true, but people like me who played about 1-2 hours every two days or so will probably find out there's about 60 hours of fun to be had, and the rest of your playing experience will be grinding and boredom as you try to squeeze more droplets of fun out of an already empty canister. I've read other people's experiences in various message boards to see if once again i was the only sane man alive in this world, but it was reassuring to see a lot of people are in a same spot like me, that once you reach lvl 100 in anything the game gets either piss easy or rage-inducing hard with no FUN middleground, an additional problem from my part though, was that the game was piss easy at level 50 even though i tried to make the game harder by limiting my inventory to just my sword and shield and a bow with iron arrows only.

There's a difference between a game which quests are fun and interesting, and then there's the ones that are tedious and feel like chores, i believe skyrim is a bit of both not in that some quests are x and some y, but because they're ALL fun and then slowly turn to tedious. It starts with fun quests that are, if not outrageously difficult, at least enjoyable, but when you're visiting another fucking draugr crypt that is the same as all the others for the eightieth FUCKING time, the game starts putting weights in my eyelids. I remember there was a point in the game where i could no longer keep advancing because i kept nodding off, i WANTED to finish the damn crypt but my eyelids were seriously closing by themselves, i suddenly realized with horror that playing the game was making me experience the same feelings i felt when doing a specially horrible amount of homework, and no matter how many times i tried, there was no way i could see this as a good sign.

After finishing the main quest line (with an ending that felt like a massive "fuck you" to my expectations) and all the other ones that are supposedly "the shit" like the whole imperial vs stormcloak deal, thieves guild, dark brotherhood and etc etc, there was little else to do because once you're so high in level and strenght, doing the little miscellaneous quests is not really something you generally look forward to. I had to resort to the last straw in fun any sandbox offers, the path of the troll. I had a lot of fun making new characters of different races that were all fucktards and that generally were bloodthirsty maniacs with god mode whose sole purpose in life was to empty villages from their adult population. Once that was over, the game no longer felt fun. All in all, i guess a game is still a game, no matter what company made it, though it IS kind of disappointing the claims of skyrim leading us to the promised land were as true as the world ending on 2000, and coming up, december of this year.

That's it, ending rant.

A small footnote though, what's with children not dying? I swear these games claim to have oh so much immersion, but once a dragon bitchslaps a kid for no effect the game basically takes a diarrheic dump in your face while saying "here's your immersion", i had to go out of my way to install a mod so that the game was a bit more realistic. Children immortality is a lame moral shield game developers take for reasons everybody knows that i'm too tired to list, but it really should not exist, not because i want to go out of my way to stab a kid in the face (as much as it would be pleasurable to at least give a fucking slap that bitchy little shit in whiterun that actually did something, you know the one), but because it simply breaks the immersion, and a game that relies so heavily in this should never tell the played which npc's can be killed and which can't. I work making things for kids, i like kids a lot, one of my dreams was to be a kindergarden teacher, and a quest that involved saving a few hostage kids from a gang of bandits before they killed them would have given me quite a lot of motivation to do it properly and to to beat the bandits to a bloody pulp with my bare fists (my preferred method of fighting in skyrim), but when you reach that orphanage in skyrim i felt little to no motivation from saving them from the old hag because children are fucking immortal, so no matter what supposed tortures the hag was making them suffer through, they weren't really in danger or anything, fuck them.

Now go on and post an arrow in the knee joke in the comments section, because we all know your brain can't compute anything else. You are forgiven in advance.